what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
