I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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