I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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