i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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