I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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