DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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