he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she told me i tasted like america
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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