Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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