my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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