Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
