I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
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Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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