you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
