He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
