one might say we're banned from that church
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
