No stitches, just platelets and will power
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
