i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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