Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
