I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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