I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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