He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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