I can tuck mytits in my pants
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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