So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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