I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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