first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
