I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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