i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
