well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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