would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
