I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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