what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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