if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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