even my farts smell like vagina
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
