If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
