New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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