ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
