Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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