One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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