Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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