Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
