Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
