it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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