We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
