Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he thought i was a dude.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
