my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
