I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Two words: blizzard sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
