Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
