i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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