I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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