just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
