haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
