Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
