No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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