dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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