that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need a burrito and a hug.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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