i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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