his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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