Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
